concept: willy wonka and harry potter take place in the same universe
the ministry of magic haaaates Willy Wonka
“Mr. Wonka,” Dumbledore smiled warmly, looking down into the Pit from his podium. The members of the Wizengamot muttered disapprovingly, shifting in their seats. Willy Wonka, clad today in a bright magenta suit and tophat, beamed cheekily up at them from his chair, his silver-gloved hands cradling his chin.
“Mr. Dumbledore,” He replied brightly, with the barest hint of a lisp.
“I trust you know why you are here?” Dumbledores question was crisp and businesslike, but the twinkle in his eye gave away his amusement at the situation.
“Not at all! I’ve nary a clue,” Wonka wiggled his eyebrows. Dumbledore audibly stifled a laugh.
“You are accused of improper use of magic, improper use of muggle artifacts, and several counts of using magic in front of a muggle,” Dumbledore reminded him. He conjured a projection with his wand. Displayed in grainy sepia was Willy Wonka, arm around a boy of around 10. Behind his back, he twitched an ash wand, and machines in the background around them whirred to life, producing all manner of sweets.
The projection ran its course and collapsed, and Dumbledore stowed his wand back inside his robes.
Wonka smiled and fiddled with his hat.
“How do you plead?” Dumbledore asked, leaning forward eagerly for what would surely be an amusing trial.
“Not guilty on all counts,” Wonka said, perhaps a tad smugly.
The members of the Wizengamot muttered amongst themselves. Not Guilty? Impossible!
Dumbledore hushed them quickly. “Explain, if you would. We have, after all, quite a mountain of evidence.”
Wonka stood and brushed a bit of dust off his suit. He tipped his hat mischievously. “Of course,” he grinned.
“Firstly, use of magic shall only be considered improper whereby it is applied to cause harm or applied recklessly. All magic used in my sweets is rigorously tested for both safety and taste. It is not used to cause harm, but to bring joy.” Wonka paused to adjust his jacket.
“But surely,” Dumbledore said, leafing through his notes, “you cannot deny that you illegally charmed several thousand muggle artifacts?”
“Ah, but I can,” Wonka said, now twirling his cap in his hands. “Muggle artifact refers, of course, to any muggle made object. But, you see, I built those machines, each and every one. They are not muggle machines at all, but wizarding machines, built by a wizard. The factory itself, as well. You could argue that, as machines are a muggle invention, I still broke the rules, but then I could argue that every wizard dwelling with any charms applied to its walls is in violation of the law, as muggles were the first to make bricks.”
The Wizengamot glared silently. He was right, of course. Violating the spirit of the law was not illegal if one followed the letter.
“And the last charge? These are definitely Muggle children, are they not? No magical talent, raised in muggle society?” Dumbledore straightened his glasses and peered down at Wonka, his eyes still bright with intrigue.
“Not at all,” Wonka grinned, placing his hat back on his head. “You see, the ticket system was not nearly so random as I pretended. The tickets were charmed, they would only becomes visible to children with magical heritage. All the children chosen were second generation Squibs.” Wonka bowed low, as if he were finishing a particularly well executed play.
“Well, ladies and gentlemen, it seems no laws were violated after all.” Dumbledore stifled a grin at the groans of angry disapproval from the Wizengamot.
“But he very clearly violated the intent of the rules!” Spluttered a large, rather red faced wizard in the second row. “He’s just…cheating! He’s cheating!”
“Ah, this is true, but he did not, technically speaking, break any of the rules. He did not expose muggles to magic, nor enchant muggle made objects, nor improperly apply magic anymore so than any magical confectioner. I’m afraid we have to let him go.” Dumbledore smiled gently and put away the rather thick file with Wonka’s name embossed on the cover. For the brief second it was open, a list of hundreds of charges with “Not Guilty” inked beside them was visible. It was carried off by a house elf, and the Wizengamot began to file out until only Dumbledore was left.
“You’re a very clever man,” He called down to Wonka. “We could use you at Hogwarts, you know.”
“No thank you,” Wonka called back, grinning. “Skirting the law is far more fun!”
Willy Wonka is a fucking Slytherin.
I needed this in my life.
Wine red/Maroon/Crimson: Powerful words, strength, queen/king-like beauty and power, cursing. Wear when you want to put a bite into your words.
Poppy Red/Scarlet/Bright Reds: Love, playfulness, draw attention, courage. Enchant these colors for when you have to give a presentation, or for love spells.
Rose Pink/Lighter Shades: Friendship, Love, peace. Enchant for maybe going out with friends, setting a dispute, etc.
Peach: (My personal favorite) Use this color in beauty and confidence spells, or anything requiring some bravery and/or emotional strength.
Purples/Violet/You get the Idea: Love, astral realm, psychic abilities, intelligence. Ladies- if you are like me and deal with men who frequently claim you are less intelligent because you are a woman, enchant a purple color.
Reddish-Brown: deceit. Idk how or why you would use this but its a common color so.
Black: protection, the otherworld, litterally anything you want really.
100 Witch Tips
(To honour 1,000+ followers.)
- Listening to your own intuition will always be useful. Learn to trust it.
- Put almonds in your pockets for good luck.
- Lemongrass essential oil kills fruit flies.
- Use a charged crystal on top of your Wifi router, or anything that needs a boost.
- Salt in a hula hoop for casting circles.
- Evernote and Google docs are amazing for online Grimoires.
- Snow-globes can be used in place of crystal balls.
- Don’t leave any naturally coloured quartz (amethyst, rose) in the sun, it’ll fade. Unless you want it to fade.
- You can use crayons in place of candles.
- Be careful of setting stuff on fire, move all flammable objects before lighting something.
- Clear quartz can absorb negativity.
- Be specific when asking questions/doing spells.
- You can turn songs into spells, it helps a lot when you’re just starting.
- You can make cheap runes with a sharpie, clear nail polish, and rocks.
- Thrift stores ARE YOUR FRIEND!
- Rosemary can be used in place of any herb.
- Clear Quartz can be used in place of any stone.
- http://biddytarot.com is a good place to read in-depth Tarot meanings, really helps if you’re starting out.
- Suck on a peppermint when you’re studying something you need to remember, then again when you need to remember the thing.
- Incense ashes = black salt.
- Cleanse by moon, charge by sun.
- Wear colours that correspond to your intent for that day, subtle and effective.
- Got a needle and thread? You got a pendulum.
- Just about any cards can be used for divination. Playing cards, pokemon cards, etc.
- You can find images of the Rider-Waite deck online and print them onto cardstock.
- Craft stores usually have REALLY CHEAP jars.
- Music is magical, use that to your advantage.
- Just about any mirror/reflective surface can be used for scrying, don’t let Etsy fool you with those 50$ mirrors.
- White candles can be used in place of any candle.
- There are also candle apps!
- Birthday candles!
- If you bake, draw sigils in the batter/dough before baking.
- Stir liquids clockwise for a luck/health boost, and counter-clockwise for banishing and ridding of negativity.
- If you need to subtly cleanse, sage and saltwater in a spray bottle. Be mindful of plants and pets.
- Sage can smell like weed sometimes, keep that in mind.
- Peach and Avocado pits ward off negativity.
- If you don’t like working with blood, Halloween blood and pomegranate/cherry juices are great.
- Keep a notebook with you constantly in case you need to write something down.
- Write wishes on bay leaves, then burn them to make them come true.
- Cleanse yourself in the wind.
- To get candle wax out of a jar, pour some boiling water in it then leave it for a while, the wax should be floating on top. Be careful!
- Selenite and Amethyst are good for dreams.
- Pressing flowers really is useful.
- You can make your own tea blends pretty easily, just be careful about knowing what is/isn’t edible.
- Set a sigil as your phone background, then plug it in to charge it.
- Write sigils with makeup while you’re doing it.
- Warding will be your best friend.
- Use common sense!
- If you want to grow herbs out of cans be sure you poke holes in the bottom so excess water can run out.
- If you can’t throw salt everywhere, make a salt water spray instead.
- You can draw over sigils with glow in the dark paint to see charging effects.
- Use plastic ziploc bags in place of jars; cheaper!
- Coffee filters can be used as herb bags.
- If a spell calls for an ingredient that happens to be in a tea you own, cut open your own tea bags.
- You can make altar/shrine books.
- Colour correspondences for sigils.
- You can do virtual altars via pinterest, video games, etc.
- You can glue envelopes into your BOS to hold things like sigils, recipes, etc.
- Brick dust works the same as black salt.
- Make a google doc/keep a notepad with you for ideas throughout your day.
- Instead of burying jars in the ground, use non-bleached toilet paper tubes.
- You can buy one big pot and plant many herbs in it.
- Chew mint gum during money spells.
- Write sigils on your nails using nail polsh pens
- Rice water is used for prosperity and success spells.
- If you have a computer, you can make your background your altar.
- Have an altar by a window, so your items are always cleansed/charged.
- Uncooked spaghetti makes lighting candles a lot easier.
- Use oil diffusers if you can’t burn incense.
- Wicca is NOT the only path!
- Glass can be substituted for quartz.
- Dedicate a stuffed animal to your deity to bond with them.
- A good blood substitute = crushed iron tablets.
- Attach crystals to the cork tops of your jars as an energy channel to charge jar spells.
- You do NOT have to do magick everyday, it shouldn’t be a chore or something you dread doing.
- Brackish water (salt and fresh water) is good for cursing.
- Don’t eat things that aren’t edible, and don’t sniff things that aren’t sniffable.
- When enchanting your car, draw sigils on the wheels so they charge when they turn.
- Don’t make offerings that degrade the environment!
- More jar alternatives: bowls of ice, unbleached paper, bell peppers.
- Don’t bury jars, please.
- Just don’t do it.
- White sage is endangered in America, grow your own.
- Compile a list of songs that have names corresponding to herbs and ingredients to put in a spell playlist.
- Do not substitute fantasy for fact.
- Don’t do spells on someone that goes against their free will.
- Empath tip: Carry blue goldstone.
- Salt cleanse yourself with any salty snack, crisps, pretzels, etc.
- Frankincense is an insect repellent
- Put mint in shoes for luck (and an air freshener!)
- Garage sales are amazing.
- Place a candle in the window to welcome sunlight.
- Bells can be used for cleansing, too.
- Witch Hazel is a natural toner, good for your skin, and is used for protection!
- Rain washes away bad vibes, negativity, and cleanses.
Star & Moon Witch
I miss the local Witchery.
Stuffed Animals in Magic
I’m an adult and I still LOVE stuffed animals. While I can usually resist a little better now than when I was a child, I’m still tempted to buy one every time there’s an opportunity. Here’s some examples of how to use your inanimate furry friends in the craft:
🦁Sew a dream pouch inside of a teddy bear to encourage prophetic dreams! You could also tweak this to make it help with astral travel.
🐯Enchant it with all sorts of protection spells, set it in the corner of your room as a guardian to ward off malevolent spirits.
🐻Stuff with lavender and other calming herbs, hold it and smell it to calm and cleanse yourself.
🦁Make it a spirit vessel, and allow spirits to visit you inside the animal. (This can also allow you to cuddle with your spirit companions.)
🐯Use it as a poppet! Especially for cursing. Get a stuffed animal you don’t care about and treat it as you would any clay poppet (except now, you can stuff it with things too instead of just surrounding it.) You also have the added advantage of being able to smack it against the wall without causing serious damage.
🐻Draw a sigil on the stuffed animal. Perhaps one for creativity, and you play with the stuffed animal a little to get the creative juices flowing!
🦁Place a stuffed version of an animal associated with a deity in your altar. Hecate likes dogs, for example. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind that being there.
🐯 Enchant stuffed animals with good fortunes before donating them to children’s hospitals or nonprofits
🐻 Make a spell out of the act of making one yourself, sewing intent into every stitch.
🦁Use them in any spell to represent childhood, innocence, comfort, sleep, imagination, and simple pleasures.
feel free to add more!